{"id":3245,"date":"2019-10-29T08:39:20","date_gmt":"2019-10-29T08:39:20","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/outsiderland.com\/danahilliot\/?p=3245"},"modified":"2020-01-25T19:24:57","modified_gmt":"2020-01-25T19:24:57","slug":"maussade-des-rideaux-a-la-fenetre","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/outsiderland.com\/danahilliot\/maussade-des-rideaux-a-la-fenetre\/","title":{"rendered":"Maussade (des rideaux \u00e0 la fen\u00eatre)"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"Maussade. \u00c9crire trois pages dans la matin\u00e9e. Les trouver p\u00e2teuses, molles, juste bonnes \u00e0 jeter. Ciel gris\u00e2tre et brumeux, bas de plafond, entrecoup\u00e9 de path\u00e9tiques averses. La jambe gauche qui se tra\u00eene : fichue arthrose. Un seul rendez-vous cette semaine, et on d\u00e9cline ici et l\u00e0, et \u00e0 peine poliment, mes propositions de conf\u00e9rences. Consulter compulsivement le site de l’aide sociale des fois qu’il y ait des nouvelles de mon dossier (Je suis avant tout un dossier. Ou un fichier dans un dossier. On lit partout que l’absence d’emploi plombe le ch\u00f4meur – diminue son esp\u00e9rance de vie, le plonge dans une d\u00e9pression qui ne prend fin qu’avec le retour \u00e0 l’emploi. C’est faux. C’est juste de la merde de lire des trucs pareils. Non. Une vie oisive n’a jamais \u00e9t\u00e9 un probl\u00e8me. Songez \u00e0 tous les rentiers dont l’occupation principale consiste \u00e0 prendre soin d’eux-m\u00eames et trouver le moyen de d\u00e9penser les revenus des multiples loyers qu’ils per\u00e7oivent en se tournant les pouces, songez \u00e0 tous ceux-l\u00e0 qui se la coulent douce parce que leur anc\u00eatre a fait fortune du temps des colonies, ou parce qu’un parent encore plus lointain avait eu le nez fin d’investir dans le commerce d’esclaves – l’histoire de la richesse des uns s’articule exactement \u00e0 l’histoire de l’exploitation de tous les autres. Et que je sache, quand on d\u00e9plore le caract\u00e8re d\u00e9prim\u00e9 des suppos\u00e9s demandeurs d’emploi, on ne range pas dans cette cat\u00e9gorie les rentiers. Non. Ce qui plombe, ce n’est pas l’absence d’emploi, au contraire !, ce qui vous use et vous ronge, c’est la pr\u00e9carit\u00e9, l’angoisse, le d\u00e9sespoir, le spectre chaque jour plus incarn\u00e9 de la mis\u00e8re, et la certitude, la seule, que demain sera pire qu’aujourd’hui.) Puis, enfin, dans l’apr\u00e8s-midi, se d\u00e9cider \u00e0 mettre le nez dehors malgr\u00e9 tout, plut\u00f4t que de rester \u00e0 se morfondre dans cet \u00e9tat de non-inspiration qui vous am\u00e8ne \u00e0 regarder par la fen\u00eatre en contrebas d’un dr\u00f4le d’air. Filer au hasard et sans trop y penser, gravir cette colline assez moche, au pr\u00e9texte qu’\u00e0 son sommet, on aper\u00e7oit une b\u00e2tisse en ruines. Grimper sur le sentier boueux, serrer les dents quand la douleur se fait trop vive, se dire qu’en marchant, \u00e7a ira mieux – et de fait, \u00e7a va un peu mieux (mais ce soir c’est pire \u00e9videmment). \u00c0 quoi donc ressemblent ces ruines qu’on devine depuis la plaine ? \u00c0 des ruines forc\u00e9ment. Et, cette ferme inhabit\u00e9e de l’autre c\u00f4t\u00e9 de la colline, o\u00f9 l’on descend par une pente raide dans la for\u00eat, au risque de se tordre le cou ? Des ruines encore. Iris explore une par une les b\u00e2tisses, glissant le nez dans les \u00e9tables, les granges, les abris \u00e0 pourceaux. J’avise l’habitation humaine et j’entre, enjambant avec prudence les lattes du plancher d\u00e9fonc\u00e9, je regarde ces papiers peints d\u00e9coll\u00e9s, l’interrupteur \u00e0 l’entr\u00e9e de la chambre. Clic. ? Non fiat lux (pas d’ampoule au plafond et les fils \u00e9lectriques pendouillent dehors le long du mur). Il reste ce rideau de dentelles \u00e0 la fen\u00eatre. Cela me rend (encore plus) triste. Des gens ont v\u00e9cu ici. Quelqu’un a install\u00e9 ce rideau de dentelles \u00e0 la fen\u00eatre. Quelqu’un a dormi dans cette chambre et quand elle ne trouvait pas le sommeil, ou quand elle souffrait de fortes fi\u00e8vres, s’abrutissait en scrutant les motifs de cet affreux papier-peint. Pourquoi \u00ab\u00a0elle\u00a0\u00bb ? Je referme la porte. cet endroit me rappelle quelque chose. Quittons les lieux au plus vite sinon les fant\u00f4mes vont nous attraper. Nous rentrons par le grand chemin au milieu des champs de ma\u00efs ras\u00e9s et des prairies verd\u00e2tres, Iris et moi. Je trouve le moyen de nous perdre dans le lotissement o\u00f9 j’ai gar\u00e9 l’auto. Des voies sans issues. Des voies sans issues. Des voies. Ha ! En voil\u00e0 une, de voie, qui m\u00e8ne quelque part. Je suis un enfant de la cit\u00e9, des immeubles et des HLM, et un adolescent des lotissements, des rocades en bordure de ville. Un gamin triste, toujours, un gamin gris. On n’a pas beaucoup avanc\u00e9 lui et moi. \u00ab\u00a0On aura fait ce qu’on aura pu. Ce qu’on aura pu aurait d\u00fb suffire\u00a0\u00bb, comme dit (je crois) Pascal Bouaziz dans une chanson. Se perdre dans un lotissement, quelle affaire.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Maussade. \u00c9crire trois pages dans la matin\u00e9e. Les trouver p\u00e2teuses, molles, juste bonnes \u00e0 jeter. Ciel gris\u00e2tre et brumeux, bas de plafond, entrecoup\u00e9 de path\u00e9tiques averses. La jambe gauche qui se tra\u00eene : fichue arthrose. Un seul rendez-vous cette semaine, et on d\u00e9cline ici et l\u00e0, et \u00e0 peine poliment, mes propositions de conf\u00e9rences. Consulter…<\/p>\n Read More<\/span> Maussade (des rideaux \u00e0 la fen\u00eatre)<\/span><\/a>","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":3246,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"Layout":"","footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[61],"tags":[],"class_list":["entry","author-danah","post-3245","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","category-chronique"],"yoast_head":"\nMaussade (des rideaux \u00e0 la fen\u00eatre) - Outside Dana Hilliot<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/outsiderland.com\/danahilliot\/maussade-des-rideaux-a-la-fenetre\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"fr_FR\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Maussade (des rideaux \u00e0 la fen\u00eatre) - Outside Dana Hilliot\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Maussade. \u00c9crire trois pages dans la matin\u00e9e. Les trouver p\u00e2teuses, molles, juste bonnes \u00e0 jeter. Ciel gris\u00e2tre et brumeux, bas de plafond, entrecoup\u00e9 de path\u00e9tiques averses. La jambe gauche qui se tra\u00eene : fichue arthrose. Un seul rendez-vous cette semaine, et on d\u00e9cline ici et l\u00e0, et \u00e0 peine poliment, mes propositions de conf\u00e9rences. 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